Thursday, August 05, 2010

Okay, then. Still chugging along.

Life is so fucking difficult sometimes, and I'm honestly enjoying re-learning how to do this, how to get through each day and appreciate it, be grateful for it. I think a lot of good things are coming in both the near and distant future. I'm thankful that I'm still here to look forward to the good stuff, and persevere through the bad stuff.

Jason and I are up and down, back and forth, as far as being able to get along, to communicate with each other. He still thinks that I'm selfish and unreasonable, and I still think... pretty much the same about him.

Kane and Jude have moved in with Jason and Julia, and as a result Reed has actually been spending the night with Jason some. I think it's good for everybody involved, especially Reed.

I'm still seeing my someone new, and he's still a fucking blessing every single day. Philip constantly reminds me that no matter how hard all of this is, it's worth it, I'm worth it, what we have is worth it. And it's not that I wouldn't have thought those things on my own, but it's so, so nice to have someone there day-in and day-out who says it, over and over again. I feel like if I wasn't here, or if Jason and I had stayed together, I'd be missing out on a lot of really good stuff. And that really means a lot for someone like me, who has been through countless days in which I've not been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, in which I've not been able to remember to be grateful for my life and everything in it.

Still job-searching, still helping Reed cope with the divorce, still having days that are good, and occasionally days that are bad. But, hey, such is life. How many times have I written here that all I can do is keep trying, keep managing, keep ignoring, keep persevering? A lot of times, is how many. So here I am, still doing all that shit. Will life ever be easier? I don't know. But life certainly does keep getting better, and I don't want to miss any of it.