Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez.

Well, New Orleans was wonderful. I always tell everyone that every time I'm there I feel like I'm home, and then I get sad when I have to come back to Alabama. Jason says it's because I was born in Louisiana. I don't know, but I know I love it.

While we were there, I rekindled my love for Talk Soup. I also learned a lot about jelly fish and predators that use the ambush technique to capture their prey. I ate Mexican food, Vietnamese food, Spanish food, and Whole Food. I went to a house party where there was a sweet dj who opened up with early Michael Jackson. The weather was really perfect for being New Orleans- sunny and breezy, perfect temperatures for walking in the Quarter without getting hot and sweaty, cool enough at night to wear a pretty sweater.

Being back home with Reed is fun. This morning after he ate breakfast, I picked him up from the table to find that he had oatmeal underneath both of his arms. The kid can get oatmeal in his armpits. He lets the good times roll, let me tell you.

Check.

Well, last week was semi-productive, in that I got some things done that had been on the to-do list for a few months. Yes, MONTHS.

I got my oil changed. Well, I got Jason to get my oil changed while I was at work. It got done, okay? This is good because we're driving to New Orleans this Friday, so now we won't break down in Shit, Mississippi where there are no gas stations and no friendly faces. Look, I know every state has some places that creep foreigners out, but driving across Mississippi is pretty bleak. Especially when you do it late at night. Fortunately, this trip will be made during daylight hours, so no worries.

I also got my license renewed. It expired in June, people, and I've been thinking all these months how bad it would be to get pulled over and have my car impounded because I'm not prompt. But now I don't have to worry about that at all. The problem is that the new picture is awful, really AWFUL. It makes me wish that you could just bring your own picture to the DMV and let them laminate that onto your new license. I've got quite a few that I wouldn't mind whipping out every time an officer says, "Have you been drinking?"













Because once he saw it he'd think, "Well, obviously not THAT much."

Fun with counting.

Oh, man, work is getting me down. Don't you love having someone say "Hey, you!" and snap their fingers at you? It's marvelous. I marvel at it. Really.

The job search is discouraging as well, as I have gotten no phone calls. Except from bill collectors.

Those guys don't do much for my morale either. I have gotten repeated phone calls from not one, not two, but THREE different collectors for bills that I paid already. Yes, the whole telemarketer auto-dial thing has been explained to me. I still fucking hate it. I think that technology ain't as far ahead of its time as it thinks it is when I can pay a bill online, the money can come out of my checking account, and OLD NAVY AND THE GAP still want to call me THE NEXT DAY, and then THE DAY AFTER THAT, and then AGAIN AND AGAIN for DAYS IN A ROW to ask me why I haven't paid my bill. It apparently only took them about two weeks to get caught up; they've finally stopped calling. At least the Target people politely invite me to check out their clearance racks when they call to collect.

In related news, Old Navy has placed a note on my account that says, "She won't hesitate to use the word 'fuck' when you call her." I hope all their people are eighteen and up.

They.

I'd noticed lately that every time I use our computer, there's a folded piece of paper hanging over the top and front of the monitor. I figured that it must have some important password or some other kind of information that Jason didn't want to lose, so he put it there where he could get to it easily.

One day when I sat down to check my email, Jason said, "Oh, yeah, had you noticed my paper?" I nodded. He said, "I hate that fucking webcam being stuck in the top of the monitor. I just know that 'they're' watching me."

It totally cracked me up. And you know, since that day, every time I pick my nose sitting at the computer, I figure "they're" laughing. And then I pick up that piece of paper and hang it over the webcam.

A bunch of girls who sing "Wasted On Your Love" AND cover "Round and Round" by Ratt? They're alright with me.

Originally uploaded by buffpuff

Thanks to the generosity of my good friend Dave, I went to see The Donnas at Bottletree last night. Thanks to the generosity of my good friend Brock, I took some nice pictures of them. Honestly I didn't really know anything about their music; I was pleasantly surprised. I have to admit that, listening to their music on Myspace today, I think the live show is much better than the recordings. They are raw, energetic, tough, and tight. Somehow all that gets lost on the recordings.

The wedding on Saturday went extremely well. The weather was more perfect than I could have asked for- very sunny, a light breeze, warm but not hot. We got a lot of great pictures, and I'll be posting some soon to my Flickr. I figure we should get them to the happy couple before we start posting them to the internets.

The girl who hooked us up with that wedding told Jason that she has two more lined up for us. SCORE. Liz, my first-born child is kind of a pain in the ass, but I'll give you the next one, I promise.

Reedy.

Originally uploaded by buffpuff

Tomorrow morning, Reed will take the last dose of the antibiotic that his doctor prescribed last week. He's finally acting well; the fever has been gone for nearly a week, and the cough has quieted quite a bit in the last few days.

He will probably remember this last week as one of the best in his life- not because of all the love and tenderness he's received from his mommy and daddy, but because of all the suckers. We ceased to be able to get him to take his medicine somewhere around last Friday. He would literally writhe about, scream, and spit the medicine out. After I had offered him everything I could think of, including daddy's car and mommy's credit cards and all of Kane and Jude's toys, I randomly said, "What about candy? Do you want a nice sucker?" The moment those words left my lips he sat up, turned to face us, opened his mouth and swallowed the medicine. As there were quite a few days of antibiotic left, we went out a bought a large bag of Dum Dums. Every morning and evening now, I say "Okay, it's time to take your medicine." He replies, "Candy?" I say, "You have to take your medicine." He replies firmly, "Sucker." Like at first it's an exited question- you mean it's time for candy? But when I let him know that he's definitely going to be swallowing some nasty medicine, he lets me know in no uncertain terms that I'm going to be wearing it unless I'm prepared to buy him off with a tasty treat.

Kane's results from taking the SAT and the ARMT (Alabama Reading and Math Test) at the end of last year finally came in and it's official- he's a genius. Seriously, the kid got a perfect score on several different sections, and is in the 95th to 100th percentile in most subjects. He's smart like Reed is big. He's been invited to join the scholar's bowl which is the team of nerds that travels to other schools to see if they can out-nerd the other school's nerd-team. It's okay; I can say that because I was on the nerd-team in high school. I'm saying it from the inside.

Anyway, he's really freakin' smart. NOW do you see why I start to rip off my own fingernails when he says he can't remember to put his socks in the dirty clothes or put his dishes in the dish washer?

(For any of you who don't see, it's the irritation. That's the answer.)

I know, I KNOW, that there is at least one person right now who is thinking about leaving a comment about how Kane is just SO SMART that he is INCAPABLE of thinking about mundane, every-day things, that he has SO MUCH going through his head at any given moment that I cannot reasonably expect him to think about such tiny details as where his soiled clothing ends up at the end of the day.

To that person I say, you're probably right. You know, for me, dropping my clothes in the hamper or picking up my dishes after I eat is automatic; it's almost an autopilot kind of thing. I don't think about it, I just do it. It's kind of like how people automatically move or duck when someone throws something at them. Kane, on the other hand, gets hit with stuff all the time. Seriously, literally, he never seems to be able to get out of the way. He gets hit in the face with balls, and he doesn't pick up his socks. That's the price he has to pay for being able to recall every second of every episode ever of Naruto.

Bitter pill.

Oh, man, so I almost DIED last night. I mean, I probably didn't almost die, but I had a bad experience. So, same diff.

My doctor prescribed me phenergan last week when I was having this really long, drawn out stomach virus. Last night I was feeling really crappy, so I decided to take one. I had noticed that when I swallowed them they started dissolving really quickly, because I can always taste them a little- they taste pretty bad, too. Anyway, last night I thought, "This will knock me out and make me feel good and make me sleep really well, so why the hell not?" So I pop the little sucker in my mouth and take a swig of water and swallow. Lo and behold, the damn thing sticks to the back of my throat and starts dissolving- I could feel that it stuck right to that little place that opens and closes when you swallow. Let me tell you, IT FUCKING BURNED. I kept swallowing water and finally the majority of it went down, but there was still a nice little hunk stuck there, dissolving and running down my throat and FUCKING BURNING.

The next thing I knew it felt like my throat was closing up because it turns out the lining of my throat was absorbing the phenergan and getting numb. It got pretty hard to swallow, and talking was weird, and I can't say enough about the SON OF A BITCHIN' BURNING, y'all. I was guzzling water and shoving candy and popsicles down my throat as fast as possible to try and wash all of it down.

Anyway, I survived, but God I SO ALMOST DIED LAST NIGHT.

Nowadays.

Oh internets, how I love thee.

Reed and I have been sick all week long, and I just haven't walked the eight feet from the living room into the office/rec room/stinky cat litter room to do anything on the computer. Now I am salivating just thinking about all the good stuff I can do; you know how when you check your email and all your favorite websites daily it never takes you long to get caught up? But you know how when it's been a while, there's lots and lots of juicy stuff to read and look at? I love it. Go Fug Yourself, here I come. Dooce? Yes, please.

Reed and I both had a stomach virus, one that has lasted almost two weeks at this point. I think mine has gone away, but Reed is still having orange, squishy poo. HAHA! I bet you didn't wake up this morning thinking, "I'm going to go read about someone else's bowel movements." Gotcha! I've also got some nasty sinus stuff and a cough, and Reed has a pretty nasty ear infection that in turn has caused the awfully runny nose and the wet cough and fever. Our house is SO MUCH FUN right now, what with all the coughing and medicine and tissues and my OBSESSIVE shushing once we finally get Reed to sleep.

I'm hoping the next few weeks will be a little easier. We're photographing a wedding next weekend, and two weeks after that we're headed to New Orleans where I'll hang out with two of our best friends and drink beer and Jason will take pictures at Voodoo Fest JASON IF YOU SEE ZACK DE LA ROCHA YOU BEST PUT HIM IN YOUR POCKET AND BRING HIM HOME.

Plus, one of my best friends got fired this week, which I have chosen to see as a GOOD thing, because that means maybe she'll have to move in with us and then I'll have an automatic drinking/dancing/listening to Hall and Oats partner like, ALL THE TIME.

I have to say that I fear that Jude's teacher this year is unnecessarily hardassed.

Jude is in RLC this year, a gifted class that pulls him out of his regular class one day a week. In a meeting at the beginning of the year, the RLC teacher assured us that the kids would never have to make up work from their regular classes that they missed while in RLC. And still Jude has been bringing home worksheets every week that he says are make-up work from his class. Plus, he says that the class acts up while the RLC kids are gone, and then the whole class- including the RLC group- have to have "silent lunches", no snack, and no recess for several days in a row. Also, regardless of any make-up work, Jude will be doing homework until eight p.m. some nights.

Now I know that teachers have a hard job, and that kids are tough and wild and will act up and take advantage and manipulate and all that. However, I think expecting an eight-year-old to do homework for four hours straight or sit through an entire lunch without talking is severe. I also think that those eight-year-olds who miss an entire evening of fun activities like riding bikes or jumping on the trampoline or playing video games because they've had to do all that homework are going to get a little wound up when they're then told not to talk at the lunch table, and then told that they can't have recess, and then told that they can't have snack. Seems a bit much, don't you think? I'm not a teacher, but there must be some way to isolate and punish the kids who are actually causing the problems (they send home marks every night, so I would know by now if Jude was one of the troublemakers), at least enough that all three of those punishments wouldn't be necessary for every single kid in the class.

Anyway, I just wanted to comment on how teachers can take things overboard sometimes, and to their own detriment I think. I mean, once she's made all these young kids endure all that punishment, who has to deal with them? She does. And I just think punishment that extensive doesn't inspire fear in the kids, it inspires deviousness and skepticism. Before she knows it those kids are going to be clawing at the walls to try and get out of there.

Rootin' tootin'.

Reed and I have been suffering from a mild stomach virus this week, mild because there hasn't been any vomiting, but stomach virus because there has been much loose stool and tooting and cramping and moaning and nausea. For Reed, not for me. Okay, for me too. I TOOT. I am human, after all.

I went out on Monday night, leaving Jason home to contend with Reed, and he said that he was up and crying most of the time until about 1:00 a.m. when, writhing around in our bed with Jason, Reed let out a very long, very painful sounding, VERY STINKY toot, after which he whispered the word "better" and promptly fell asleep.

I felt sentimental upod hearing a toot story. Being a parent is touching in the most bizarre ways.

Peeps got to watch out for one another.

On the job front: No one's calling. It's very reassuring, especially with those $15,000 worth of student loans that I have yet to pay back. But, really, I guess I shouldn't expect that much. That girl from Jersey Girl, Raquel Castro, I saw her on a fucking Pillsbury Cinnabun commercial the other day.

Evidently it's tough out there for everybody.

For the love of Pete, Kevin Smith, TAKE CARE OF YOUR PEOPLE.

Pedanticism.

I think Kane's favorite word right now is "fuse", because he is CONSTANTLY talking about fusing this and that together. He told me about the whole fusing plants thing, and how they might blow up, to which I replied, "I'm sorry. I don't think that's true." Then the other day he was talking about some Pokemon fusing together, and then he went right in to a story about how "people who specialize in snakes" keep tons of viles of snake venom with them because if you get bitten by a snake he can just give you some more of the venom from that snake and the two will cancel each other out and you'll be fine. He went on to say that the guy in the Simpsons with the "big bald head", Mr. Burns, went to the doctor and was diagnosed with "every disease known to man and three that aren't known to man". But, he said, if that really happened, you'd be fine, because "all those diseases would just cancel each other out." To this I replied, "I'm sorry. I don't think that's true." This time he came back with, "Well, MAYBE not. There's no way to know." I replied, "Kane, if a person had cancer and AIDS and pnemonia and arthritis and Parkinson's, the diseases would NOT cancel each other out. The person would be very, very sick." He was like, "Yeah; good point."

I am freaking EXHAUSTED at the end of every day. I wonder why?

Raising a boy.

A few days ago in the car Reed found his old toy cell phone, picked it up, and decided he liked it again. As we were riding along, he flipped it open, held it against his ear and said, "Hey! [pause] Oh, nothin'. What you doin'?"

It has yet to cease amazing me how Jason and I but mostly I created this PERSON. MY BODY MADE THAT GUY, that little guy who sits in the back seat of my car and has conversations with imaginary frat bros on his cell phone.

Egad, fraternities. One more thing to add to the list of "things I will lock Reed in the basement for if he ever shows interest", along with the Republican party, yo girls, and Nascar.

Getting the feel of things.

So today we went out to the place where we'll be photographing that wedding in October. It's beautiful; I'm really excited about it. It's a really lovely lake house with multiple decks and balconies and a pier. The back yard is is hit perfectly by the sunlight and the ceremony is going to be in front of two tall cedar trees just in front of the water's edge. There's a gorgeous swing underneath an awning covered by muscadine vines that will be perfect for photos.

All in all, I think it's going to be a good experience for us. I think the lighting and location are perfect for our first time, as it's all really conducive to great pictures- you can't beat a sunny place with a lake and vibrant foliage. Add to that the fact that it's a joyous occasion with family, friends, food, and drinking; I think this is going to be fun.

Time to embrace.

Time to embrace.
Originally uploaded by cuttingroomfloor

Okay, so, I drink about fourteen gallons of Natural Light, Lindsey and Dave drink about twenty two gallons of red wine, and what happens?

Slow dancing on the patio to Crowded House. Naturally.

So the other day Kane was telling us how you can fuse two plants together and it's a very delicate process but it's possible but you have to be very very careful because they might EXPLODE so you have to REALLY know what you're doing, when I realized that I might not make it through the next 16 years (the amount of time until Reed graduates high school, meaning Kane and Jude will already be off at college GOD-WILLING, and Reed will be on his way GOD-WILLING.

I guess that's all I have to say.

Finding God. At the age of almost-two.

So one of Reed's favorite passtimes at my mom's house is to play the piano. Sometimes he pokes the keys, and sometimes he bangs the keys with both hands. Recently, though, he's taken to running his hands up and down the keys, from one end of the piano to the other, and he gets so excited when he does it that he ends up screeching, breathing heavily, and stomping his feet.

Last Sunday he was in the midst of it, standing on the piano bench and really getting down on the keys when he suddenly stopped, slapped his knee, and yelled, "OH GOD!" and then went right back to running his hands up and down the keys.

If that's not getting taken up by the spirit, I don't know what is.

These are the boys I live with.

These are the boys I live with.
Originally uploaded by buffpuff

Jason has decided that he'd rather not transfer to Nashville right now, and I support him in that decision. I had actually started to get more excited and less mournful about moving away, but it doesn't make sense for us right now, as we're eating beans out of the can and all showering at the same time to save money.

Kane seems to be dealing with middle school pretty well so far. He's kind of been keeping to himself lately. Someone very wise recently told me, "He'll find his niche. Don't worry." So I'm trusting that advice for the time being.

Jude is... Jude. He's leaving his homework at school and forgetting EVERYTHING including the rules and doing flips and making friends and suggesting large, expensive pieces of electronics we could buy to make the house a little more entertaining. The word "no" is becoming the soundtrack of my life.

Reed. Today on the way home from daycare I said, "Did you have fun at school today?" "Schoo." "Did you have a good day?" "Day." "Do you want to sing?" "Nope." Do you want to count to ten?" "Nope." "Do you want some juice?" "JUICE!"

Sexy flute lady.

Sexy flute lady.
Originally uploaded by buffpuff

The party Saturday night was a huge success. You can tell by the fact that we broke out my flute from seventh grade. That's the mark of a good party- several people taking turns on an instrument they can't play. There was also some trampoline action, as well as some righteous karaoke.

Score.