- Who shit on this carpet?
- I wasn't prepared to set up a velvet rope at your funeral.
- Lord, the end is near. I just caught myself singing Nickelback. I hate myself.
- I just googled how to tell the difference between gray and blonde hair. It's harder than you think and google is USELESS.
- I just "fixed" my Uggs. Most I've done all day outside of karaoke.
- I totally wouldn't kick trainer Bob outta bed... but I don't have a penis so I don't think he'd be into it.
- I've never wanted to get someone, besides me, laid more in my life.
- Man, I just wanna chain smoke and drink beers. Merry Christmas.
- I got a feeling he works on a dairy farm.
- The fact that in that diagram the anus was represented by the green light = DIAGRAM FAIL.
- Dude, I just bought a puffy silver vest for $3 THANK GOD I'VE NEEDED ONE FOR SO LONG.
- The girl to your left is a hot-ass mess.
- Wet, slide, thighs, shaft, quivering. These are your sexting words!
- I'm on my knees in the dirt at work, and I'm slipping in vomit when I play. Why would I buy $100 jeans?
- I'm at Walmart and the car parked in front of me has 10- TEN- air fresheners hanging on the rear view.
- There's a black man! Yay! Leeds ain't racist!
- No on likes a butt munch!
- Jason is sitting here looking up and watching Lady Gaga videos on Youtube. Hello, apocalypse.
- My mom's playing her Hall and Oates Christmas album. Fuck yeah, Merry Christmas!
- Whatever. If you wanna dance me off, I'll serve you.
- I love that Chris' shorts are the deciding factor.
- My kid just punched me in the stomach even after I told him I'm not feeling well. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF BIRTH CONTROL.
- Now it's watery pickle poop in his pants.
- Wa-oh. I am wearing a lot of make-up.
- You need to send me dirty texts.
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1 comment:
Good post and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you for your information.
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