- Smite me, motherfucker!
- In the summertime, I really like for the Asians to be all over my feet.
- Women are only good at 3 things: cooking, cleaning, and vaginas.
- I PUT ON MY BEST. MOCCASINS.
- There aren't any blow jobs in your stocking.
- I wasn't sure what I was looking at until it ejaculated.
- I hope you know the Heimlich because I'm gonna put my bike in it.
- You look like a douche bag.
- Beer goggles: it's what's for dinner.
- They're smokin' weed outta meat?
- They all love hunting. That, and fucking their daughters.
- My toes are exhausted.
- At least we haven't loaded up to drive to Mississippi and kill that asshole and his dumbass dog.
- I miss the rains down in Africa.
- I'm live right now and that makes me important. Or that's what my mom tells me.
- I'm, like, a man. Or at least 75% man.
- Nice to know you two are discussing my junk.
- "Homeless Entrepreneurs and Anorexic Geeks" is the title of my new autobiography.
- My autobiography would be titled "What the Fuck Just Happened?" Wait, maybe that would be my tombstone.
- Sometimes I like to NOT have to say I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DRUG ME when I go to the bathroom.
- Mama's drunk. You wasted time arguing with me GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
- I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'M IN DIRTY JEANS WITH SWOLE EYES. I'M IN ALL CAPS SO CLEARLY I'M VERY SERIOUS.
- COME ON. Break out of your mold. HANG OUT WITH DRUNK GIRLS.
- You have a poor, single mom offering to buy you drinks.
- YOU COULD BE THE NEXT PERSON I PUT MY BUTT ON!!!
- I'm trying to theduthe you.
- I hate dudes. Why don't you live here? I was more shaking my fist at the heavens than actually asking you.
- You still hiding in a dressing room?
- You're a sultry minx.
- Reed just taught Chris how to use a doorknob to open a door. No joke.
- I don't think he can penetrate me from the next state.
- I'm tired of bald pussies. I want a real woman.
- I make cunnilingus-in-the-bar-bathroom promises.
- I'll wine and dine you. But I expect, at least, fellatio.
- There was a faggot in bed with us!
- You could BE that Coke Icee.
- Okay, apparently a dude is about to show up who is a dairy farmer AND has four nipples. CAN'T YOU COME WITNESS THIS?
- We have rimming syrup.
- I SWALLOW AND I LOVE TO SWALLOW AND SWALLOWING ROCKS.
- They're about to smoke pot out of a potato.
- You only like me because I'm reading a book about turn-of-the-century Midwesterners.
- I wasn't making fun of Jerusalem. I decided I was too scared.
- The last time I was there I arrested a waitress.
- Why is he cocky? He's from Mississippi.
- Oh, wait, you mean you don't literally have a pine cone in your ass?
- I like it rough. Punch me in the face.
- Why do I have to be a jackass?
- I like letting gay guys bite me.
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