Wednesday, July 23, 2008

It's okay to try again.

When I was a kid I was scared of the dark. Okay, I am still scared of the dark. But when I was a kid that meant sleeping with my parents. I slept with my parents much, much longer than is appropriate for any child; my mom would try and come and sleep with me in my room, but I would wake up in the night alone and go crawl into bed with her. They had a queen size bed and it could be a tight squeeze with my dad, my mom, and myself. I'm sure it was super for their marriage, having a huge wiggling nine-year-old desperate to sleep with them all the time. I remember at some point telling them that it sure was crowded, and when I got married they were really going to have to buy a bigger bed- true story. HA HA HA.

Eventually my parents divorced, and it was much more comfortable in that bed with just my mom and me in it. Now with the foreclosure and all of our financial problems we are moving into my mom's house, that same house that I grew up in. As it turns out, my mom is going to take a different bedroom and Jason and I are moving into the master bedroom. It just feels funny that I will be once again sleeping in that same room, the room where I felt safest for all those childhood years. I sure hope that I feel as safe there now.

Yesterday we met with our lawyer and then had a celebratory, take-a-deep-breath-and-stop-worrying lunch at the local Mexican restaurant. We are still trying to get things straightened out with Kane and Jude's mom. Jason made the decision that the kids could move back in with her and we'd go back to the original custody agreement, which is what she asked for. She rewarded us by threatening to sue for backed child support for the years when the kids lived with us, the years when we were doing homework and sending lunch money and field trip money and attending parent-teacher conferences. The saddest part is that I predicted this years ago, and here it is. Thanks for being predictable. It will be so satisfying for me to revel in my rightness while living in my cardboard box.

I still don't know what's happening with the house- if the foreclosure if definite or if there are options. There has been so much going on over the past few weeks that I haven't been very good at staying on top of things, at following through. So I just don't know.

Reed is just amazing. He woke up this morning and told me that he dreamed about going to the beach, going to the ocean. He wakes up smiling almost every day, and even though the day goes on to present fits and fights and disagreements and floor-writhing, that moment when I first peer into his crib and he looks up at me and smiles is magic. He told me yesterday in the car, "I love Kane and Jude. Jude always talks to me. But they at they mommy's house." I almost cried.

These days have been marathons, racing to get to the end of the day without bursting into tears. Some days I win, and some days I lose. I have been listening to this song a lot, because it makes me feel better.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog and was wondering, the kids mom said she wanted them back and wanted to enforce the divrc decree. You agreed right? Well, have you been paying child support? I mean if you've been paying then she has nothing to say, right? You said you have an attrny, what does he say about the back child support? You should not have too pay if you've been paying. I'm an attrny and I know that if you have been paying, you should be fine. Let me know what you think and if you need help let me know. Now, if you have not paid, then you might want to consider an agreement with her. It might help keep you out of jail. Let me know. Mark

Anonymous said...

...

buffy said...

We paid child support until the kids moved in with us, at which time their mom said we didn't have to pay child support since we were caring for them and paying the majority of their expenses like school clothes, school supplies, field trips, school lunches, etc. So then recently when we decided that the kids would live at her house again and go to school from her house and we would go back to the original agreement she said we should start paying child support again in August; we agreed. Now she wants to sue us for backed child support for the time when they lived with us, even though we all agreed that we wouldn't pay child support for those years because the kids were living with us over 50% of the time and we were handling all the school stuff. At this point we have a lawyer and they have a lawyer. I am just slightly appalled that we might end up having to pay child support for a period of time when we were responsible for taking care of them, a period of time in which I asked their mom for help with things like school clothes and school supplies and she always said no. Instead of ever saying, "This is what's best for the kids.", she has always been saying, "And I want money for this, and I want money for this, and I want money for this, and bring it in cash." My kid is sad that Kane and Jude aren't here as much, I am sad that they aren't here as much, and we felt like we were giving in, waving the white flag, when we said that the kids could move back in with her. Now instead of just being happy that she got what she wanted, she's trying to get more money. And this is all during a time in which I am jobless and we're having a lot of very serious financial problems, both of which she's been informed of. Still, "Bring the money! Aren't you giving me money? You better have the money!"

Anonymous said...

WELL, I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT. ONE THING TO ALWAYS REMEMBER IS, IF THE DECREE SAYS TO PAY, NO ONE, NOT HER OR YOU CAN SAY TO STOP PAYING BECAUSE HE WAS ORDERED BY THE COURT, NOT HER, TO PAY. ALSO, BE AWARE THAT THE STATE OF ALABAMA CAN, IF SOMEONE HAS NOT PAID, THAT THE COURT HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE YOUR PROPERTY THAT IS PAID FOR, LIKE CARS, FURNITURE, ELECTRONICS AND THE SUCH AND CAN ALSO PUT HIM IN JAIL. I WOULD THINK SINCE HE IS NOT IN JAIL RIGHT NOW, RIGHT? IF HE IS NOT, THEN SHE MUST NOT BE SCREAMING AS MUCH AS YOU SAY, BECAUSE HE COULD BE THERE NOW. WELL, GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE. IF YOU NEED SOMETHING JUST LEAVE A MESSAGE IN YOUR BLOG AND I WILL CHECK BACK EVERY NOW AND THEN TO SEE THE PROGRESS. MARK

buffy said...

Good Lord, you must be a terrific lawyer, what with all the capital letters and grammatical errors. And as far as paid property, if the court orders it, I will gladly pay her child support in the form of an eight year old futon, a hand-me-down kitchen table with four chairs, and our squeeky bed and mattress! Yay! I didn't know we could do that.

buffy said...

Also, I would love to have your last name and phone number so I can contact you with questions, since you've offered your services as our attorney.

Anonymous said...

Mark, clearly you are a charlatan for the following reasons:

1. Any lawyer knows that this type of web solicitation can establish an attorney-client relationship. Whether you are actually an attorney or not (and I assume you are NOT), you may be responsible for any damages Buffy may suffer by following your advice, since her reliance upon said advice could lead to financial or personal harm.

2. You are not legally correct. The court may have a right to garnish wages, but the American courts are not repo. men and will not take any personal possessions unless the sale of which would result in substantial money. The judge does not bring a truck and take your things. If they owned a Picasso, maybe, but you are obviously trying to use some sort of thinly veiled scare tactic...which brings me to the next point:

3. An actual lawyer would not be emotionally invested in this and use scare tactics, particularly if he or she purported to want to offer help to the aforementioned party.

4. Lawyering is a very language driven profession. While not all lawyers are grammar whizzes, I think your total lack of command of the English language also indicates that you are not a lawyer and are veiling your identity for some reason. Most likely in the childish hope of gaining some inside information from Buffy. [Incidentally, you must think she is a TOTAL idiot.]

Clearly, you are an interested party--and your interests lie with the adverse party. I have a good idea I know who you are. I'm sure Buffy does as well. You should stop this silliness. If you have something to say, why don't you call her. Clearly, fraud is not that big of a deal to you, but fraud and harassment DO irritate other people.

Stop being a coward!

Kristi Powers

Anonymous said...

Brief caveat:

Unauthorized practice of the law is a crime.

Anonymous said...

sounds almost manic.

s.j.

Thom said...

Oooh, can I be a lawyer too?! I want to be a lawyer. If anonymous can be one then I want to be one too.

Lindsey said...

Man, that sure did shut Wes, I mean, Mark up real fast. I love when people realize they're breaking the law.

Anonymous said...

First, I never offered my services to anybody. I told you some of the things that could happen. Also, it is obvious that you and your friends have never studied law, and may have never even graduated high school or have obtained a GED. I would not represent a person such as yourself because you think your always right, which is why your in trouble now. My name is not whomever you call wes, but is Mark A. Dutton. I practice family law in Cullman County. So, take your little friends and try to make yourselves feel better by any means necessary. I am sure that it is what you do best.

Lindsey said...

Well, "Mark," that would be a pretty wicked burn -- all that GED finger pointing and law school mishmash -- had you not made several rather obvious and glaring mistakes repeatedly throughout the course of your most recent diatribe, therefore negating your attempt at copping a painfully holier-than-thou attitude. Let me show you how it’s done while explaining a couple of things.

First: The word your is a pronoun, often used “to indicate that one item belongs to oneself or to any person." However, you're is a contraction of the two word phrase "you are". These are two EXTREMELY different words that, when used incorrectly (you may review your most recent comment for several examples of erroneous employment), can change the entire course of the author’s intended meaning -- dramatically. (You should probably study up on the correct and proper utilization of these two very different words before your next "court appearance".)

Secondly: In your most recent comment, you claimed you "never offered [your] services to anybody." This is incorrect. If you will, please review your initial comment, left at 10:14 PM, wherein you clearly state, "if you need help let me know." Come now, "Mark," -- that's no way to run game! At best, it's just slipshod, slovenly record keeping and review. I certainly hope you don't operate your legal practice with the same, er, "meticulous" eye.

Lastly, "Mark," as the resident technical support and adviser, you can expect a call from me tomorrow, wherein I will explain a fun little game we in "the biz" like to call "Reverse DNS Lookup." An abbreviated version of the more technical aspects of our conversation is as follows:

Every modem is assigned a unique number by their ISP. Blogger, in their infinite wisdom and foresight, God bless 'em, automatically and without fail logs each and every IP address associated with every single comment left on this or any other Blogger/Blogspot blog. Utilizing your IP address, which is freely provided to the blog owner by Blogger, the public at large is able to utilize the common knowledge reverse IP look up process in order to pinpoint just who, exactly, is leaving these comments, right down to something as minuscule and specific as their area code.

Neato, huh?

I'll be able to go over the specifics of this procedure during Friday's telephone conversation. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have regarding this process during said exchange.

"Mark," I look forward to speaking with you. (256.974.0054 -- is that the best way to reach you? Or is there a different number that might be better?)

- Lindsey

PS: You also used "whomever" incorrectly, but I figure I'll excuse that mistake -- everybody gets on freebie, am I right?

PPS: I will also refrain from fully commenting on the fact that there are 67 counties in the state of Alabama and you just happen to designate Cullman County's Family Court as your "home base," as it were. Given the history of this divorce and its filings, that's pretty telling, "Mark". But we'll just file that one under "charming coincidences," agreed? :)

Anonymous said...

EXCUSE ME MR MARK ESQUIRE BUT I AM POLICE MAN AND YOU ARE UNDER ABREAST FOR PRACTICING LAW ON TEH INTARNETZ, WITHOUT PASSING THE INTERNET BAR EXAM

Anonymous said...

dude that last one was too funny.

Anonymous said...

that's funny he really is a lawyer :)

Don't ever go to him.
That's his listed number.
What a dick.

s.j.

buffy said...

Well, "Mark", you clearly did offer your services to me: "Let me know what you think and if you need help let me know. Now, if you have not paid, then you might want to consider an agreement with her. It might help keep you out of jail. Let me know. Mark" and then "IF YOU NEED SOMETHING JUST LEAVE A MESSAGE IN YOUR BLOG AND I WILL CHECK BACK EVERY NOW AND THEN TO SEE THE PROGRESS. MARK" And if you are actually an attorney, or "attrny", you would know that your giving me legal advice creates an attorney/client relationship. Thanks for the advice; I'll be holding you accountable. By the way, where can I send my check for $400 for those services? And where did you go to law school, because I would love to call them and tell them what a stand-up job they're doing. JUST LEAVE A MESSAGE IN MY BLOG AND I WILL CHECK BACK EVERY NOW AND THEN TO SEE THE PROGRESS. THANX. Pansy.

Adam said...

Don't worry about sending him a $400 check, Buff. I sent him one of my old Picassos that I had laying around just to help you out. On a related note, you now owe me $50000 for my unsolicited help.

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