Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I wave my arms, and swing my baton.

This last week, these last seven days, have been the hardest of my life. I do not exaggerate; I have never persevered so much rage, doubt, humiliation, self-hatred, sadness, impotence, and fear emanating from my own body in the entire 29 years of my existence as in this past week.

Now that this week is behind me I am ready to move on. Jason and I have all kinds of exciting ideas about vacations and jobs and loving each other. We are enjoying each other in ways that we have neglected for a long time (get your minds out of the gutter, kids), and I think if we can just focus on how important we are to each other, all the other bad stuff in our lives will seem less important by comparison.

My jewelry is officially for sale at Soca in downtown Homewood, and I'm working with Happi and hope to have my things for sale there as well. We're barreling towards August, when my jewelry will be featured in Lipstick Magazine, along with a nice article that I wrote about the fourth annual Birmingham Chicks Rockfest. Good things are happening, people.

Finally, an addendum to my prayer that I posted here a few weeks ago:

Please God, help me to be tactful, graceful, to remember who I am. Help me to hear Gordy Ramey saying it when I get lost. Help me to refrain from choking any bitches to within an inch of their lives. Help me to remember why it would be a bad idea to go to them with pictures of my children and ask them how much they enjoy toying with their happiness. Help me to be a lady, a sane lady, something with which I have absolutely no experience. Help me to take an awful situation and find and make the best use of all the good things that can come from it. Please God, help me to let it go like so much water off a duck's back. Help me to be sure, to stop questioning, to move forward hard and fast. Help me to start writing again at a time when all I can think to write about are things that I refuse to write about.

And God, please help my husband to remember that I am a crazy person, have always been a crazy person, was a crazy person when he met me. Help him to remember that I've never stopped loving him, even when I am at my most intolerable. What I'm saying is YOU'VE BOUGHT THE COW. NOW YOU HAVE TO LIE DOWN WITH IT IN YOUR MADE BED. What? Yes, that's what I mean.


Thom said...

Good, good, good.

I'm really looking forward to reading your article for the magazine. Please post the article itself or a link or something for us all to read.


Anonymous said...

That last bit seems like a very public round-about "fuck you" to your husband. I am sure he is now wishing he sampled the milk a little longer before he bought.

buffy said...

Ah, anonymous. You must be new here. Sometimes I make jokes.

Lindsey said...

Ooo, in your next blog, you should write up a very public round-about "fuck you" to anonymous, that poor sad sack of shit who apparently lacks a sense of humor, and also the ability to tell the figurative from the literal. Moron.

Anonymous said...

Don't people usually turn cows into hamburgers?

Happi Boutique said...

sigh...humor, some people have it, some people need it. That said, Buffy I have been reading your blog and just wanted to stop in and say hello. Also Portico is doing a shoot for fall fashion. Happi will have some clothes in it The issue will come out in Sept. I sent some of your jewelry, so hopefully they will have it in there also. I will let you know when I know. Thanks for the invite on Sat, but sadly I had a stomach virus :(