Man, this life sure does get weird. I realize that I just said that, but I am forced to say it again as life continues to chug happily down the road toward OFF THE DEEP END.

I've been feeling kind of melancholy lately; nothing serious, just a constant, nagging, sort of wah-wah that hangs around in the back of my mind. I am hoping that it is a side-affect of going off birth control pills. That and the red sea that I have going on down there in my pants these past few days.

OOO, BURN. Slipped one in there on you guys. Let's just say Tampax ought to be paying ME at this point, as I am single-handedly keeping them in business, I'm pretty sure.

Next week will be a nutty one at work. Both my bosses are going to San Antonio, so I'll be handling all this stuff by myself, and by "this stuff" I mean not only will I have to do my blogging and online shopping, but I'll also have to handle the watching of the drum videos and making of crude jokes. WOOPS! I kid. Wow. I am headed straight for getting fired again, aren't I? We really do a lot of work, and it is twice as busy when I'm alone in taking care of everything.

I am really starting to have some very serious I-wish-it-would-just-go-away-already feelings about a few of the things I've been through. Clearly one cannot just choose these things; I've tried attacking these feelings with the whole spectrum of emotions from anger, to indifference, to hopefulness, to sadness, guilt, regret, contentment, indignance, relief, to pretending that the feelings don't exist at all.

Next weekend we're going to see the Pine Hill Haints at Bottletree, and then it's WEDDING TIME until August 8th. Not mine, of course; Kristi and Chris are getting married on August 8th. Jason is making the groom's cake and is the photographer and is making the wedding cake topper, and I'm the matron of honor and Reed is the ring bearer. It's a family event, folks! We gon' be wo' out by the end of it, I'm pretty sure, but I sure am excited, too.

I've got to get on planning the bachelorette party, including finding a good stripper; does anybody know if David Bowie can dress up as Jareth and take care of that for us?

Today is an interesting day.

We have an appointment this afternoon that could make a huge difference in our lives, could change things forever, either fix things or ruin things. Or it could be like I expect and we'll be told to just wait a little longer, just to see.

Jason is off today and is having to scramble around and fill out paperwork and believe me, I've been the person who has to do that stuff before and it's not fun. I hope he gets to relax at least a little bit today.

Jason has been having trouble getting in touch with the kids lately. Their mom just doesn't answer the phone and only sometimes answers his texts, so things are as usual. In a way it really worries me, but at the same time I'm so used to it that it's just like any other day.

Sometimes it seems like things never stop happening, never slow down, never stay good for very long. Nothing catastrophic is happening, and I am thankful that we're all (relatively) healthy and happy and warm and dry and all that.

But sometimes I wish we could have a couple of weeks of calm, of placid waters, of little to no disturbance.

Reed and I both have walking pneumonia. When my doctor did a chest x-ray he said that it had "infiltrated" my lungs "severely". What that means is I feel like doody. He said it could take as long as four weeks for me to get well. FUCK THAT. I was like, "HAHA. I would like to be well this afternoon, please."

Luckily I have a job where I can sit at my desk and do my work quietly and drink hot chocolate. With only a tiny splash of bourbon. IT'S FOR MEDICAL PURPOSES, CALM DOWN.

You probably are aware that I've had some phone issues and then I bought a new phone last weekend. Well, my new phone "crashed". LUCK, PEOPLE. IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY, GO BUY SOME AT TARGET.

Of course I've already spoken with my carrier and I can exchange the phone for one that works, it's just the damn principle, the CIRCUMSTANCIAL BULLSHIT that brings these kinds of things about. It took me a long time to re-enter everyone's phone numbers into this phone, to set up all my accounts and get everything aligned correctly. Now I have to start over, and I'm whining about it.

Anyway, ob la di and all that. More later from my contagious, infected self. If you're coming to my house, bring a mask and some Clorox wipes.

Oh man, am I tired today.

My job will be sending me to San Antonio before the year is out. This means I'll be flying for the very first time pretty soon. I told my boss, "You know I might get a little keyed up because I've never flown before." He said, "Well have you ever taken a klonopin before?"

Once more with feeling.

I'm still here; still no internet at home.

I am currently sitting at a library computer at which my mother found a little plastic baggy. She held it up between thumb and forefinger and said, "Now I don't know what this is. For all I know it could have contained COCAINE."

I can just imagine some Leedsite sitting contentedly at this very computer, doing lines off the mousepad.

Jason and I have polished off two more weddings. I'm just awfully excited; they both went so well. I can't wait to update our portfolio. If you know anybody who needs a photographer for a wedding or portraits of their kids or pets or engagement photos or band photos, please pass our names along. We'll probaby be able to get some photos uploaded on Thursday.

I realize my posts have been a little off lately. I think of good stuff to write about when I'm sitting on my couch at home, not when I'm sitting in front of a library computer. Ah, well. Sucks to your asmar.

Spring cleaning, delayed.

I gave myself the task of totally cleaning out Kane and Jude's room yesterday. It was my "I don't have a job, I don't have shit to do, what of it?" assigment.



They cleaned it before they left last time, and they "made" their beds which really just means they piled all the sheets and covers on top of the beds. The picture above is what it looked like after I changed the sheets, MADE the beds, and swept everything out from underneath them. I can't express to you what a mess it was- popsicle wrappers, cracker wrappers, pretzels, q-tips, dirty socks, clean shirts. And in their drawers and closets every kind of clothing was shoved into every kind of place. I am a square: I think that socks and underwear belong with other socks and underwear, jeans hang in the closet, marbles and Yu Gi Oh cards don't go with your t-shirts. Square.



I spent four hours yesterday cleaning and organizing their room. I threw away five full garbage bags full of shit, and donated one garbage bag full of clothes to Goodwill.



Afterwards I felt cleansed.



They still have toys, but they are where they belong. They have a much larger collection of books than I thought. They each have about 500 pairs of socks and underwear. There are actual empty shelves. I got rid of so much garbage that there are shelves with nothing on them.



I spent a long time just hanging out in their room yesterday, because it is now the cleanest room in the house. I think I might just move in to their room.



I have overhauled their room and Reed's room. Next is ours.

To do:

- Deposit our stimulus check which was as slow as Christmas getting here, but will probably be gone by the end of the week.

- Laundry, housework, etc.

- Decide what to wear for an interview tomorrow for a job that is literally about four minutes away from where I live.

- Start picking out my scooter for when I have said job and can drive a scooter to work. Also choose matching helmet.

- Start brainstorming a good gang name for when Jason and I both have scooters and ride them around. Shop for leather jackets to have gang name embroidered on.

I wave my arms, and swing my baton.

This last week, these last seven days, have been the hardest of my life. I do not exaggerate; I have never persevered so much rage, doubt, humiliation, self-hatred, sadness, impotence, and fear emanating from my own body in the entire 29 years of my existence as in this past week.

Now that this week is behind me I am ready to move on. Jason and I have all kinds of exciting ideas about vacations and jobs and loving each other. We are enjoying each other in ways that we have neglected for a long time (get your minds out of the gutter, kids), and I think if we can just focus on how important we are to each other, all the other bad stuff in our lives will seem less important by comparison.

My jewelry is officially for sale at Soca in downtown Homewood, and I'm working with Happi and hope to have my things for sale there as well. We're barreling towards August, when my jewelry will be featured in Lipstick Magazine, along with a nice article that I wrote about the fourth annual Birmingham Chicks Rockfest. Good things are happening, people.

Finally, an addendum to my prayer that I posted here a few weeks ago:

Please God, help me to be tactful, graceful, to remember who I am. Help me to hear Gordy Ramey saying it when I get lost. Help me to refrain from choking any bitches to within an inch of their lives. Help me to remember why it would be a bad idea to go to them with pictures of my children and ask them how much they enjoy toying with their happiness. Help me to be a lady, a sane lady, something with which I have absolutely no experience. Help me to take an awful situation and find and make the best use of all the good things that can come from it. Please God, help me to let it go like so much water off a duck's back. Help me to be sure, to stop questioning, to move forward hard and fast. Help me to start writing again at a time when all I can think to write about are things that I refuse to write about.

And God, please help my husband to remember that I am a crazy person, have always been a crazy person, was a crazy person when he met me. Help him to remember that I've never stopped loving him, even when I am at my most intolerable. What I'm saying is YOU'VE BOUGHT THE COW. NOW YOU HAVE TO LIE DOWN WITH IT IN YOUR MADE BED. What? Yes, that's what I mean.