I might as well start wearing an eye patch.

Kane and Jude are both doing really great in school, and it's such a relief from the days when they both weren't doing so great, when their teachers were suggesting that Kane needed drugs and Jude needed to be held back a year IN KINDERGARTEN, when someone in their life who shall remain nameless was drinking gin right out of the bottle in the middle of the day on a regular basis. The funny thing is that Kane's teacher later said that ALL the boys in the class were having attention problems, that it wasn't just Kane, so he probably didn't need the drugs after all. Huh. WOOPS!! Luckily we had resisted the FUCKING PROPAGANDA they sent home to us telling us that if we didn't get Kane on Adderall fast he would be likely to rob liquor stores and get a sexually transmitted disease after impregnating a few virgins and raping doorknobs.

Jude is currently entering into the phase that Kane was in when they told us this. This basically means that Jude is now not listening to a single word that comes out of my mouth. And, I mean, I'm not just talking about when I ask him to pick up his socks or close the front door; even if Jude asks me a question and stands there waiting for an answer, he still doesn't hear it when the answer comes out of my mouth. His attention span has lapsed for the moment, meaning that when he's supposed to read for twenty minutes (for his homework, people; I'm not THAT structured) (okay, I can be), he comes in to the living room every two minutes to ask if it's been twenty minutes yet. So about a fourth of that reading time is actually spent trying to find out if he can just play Wii already.

We take Kane and Jude to the library pretty frequently, because we like to encourage them to read and to do something other than looking at porn on the internet all day long, because there is some WEIRD SHIT on the world wide web and really, why would they want to look at squiggly lines on a page when they can look at various naked body parts doing odd things to even more naked body parts! Anyway, Jude often likes to get books with about 7000 pages and, starting about ten minutes after we get home, tell us how he's almost done. Several weeks ago, Jude decided that he REALLY WANTED to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and once we realized that he was totally tuning us out every time we told him that it was too long we figured what the hell, let the kid carry around a ten-pound book for a few days.

So THE DAY HE GOT IT he started telling us that he didn't have anything to read. I immediately said he should have his nose stuck in that damn Harry Potter book, and he was like, "Oh, I just need a little break from that one because I've already read so much of it." So I said, "Oh, so what all's going on?" Jude's response: "Oh, there's that guy; you know that guy? That guy is waiting in his office for a phone call." Because Harry Potter is ALL about networking, didn't you know? There are all kinds of wizards and warlocks just WAITING for that important phone call. And then Jude walked away before he could see my eyes roll right out of my head so hardcore that they were rolling around the kitchen floor and I had to chase them around, pick them up, and stick them back into my head.

So about two weeks after that, Jude mentioned needing something to read, and I was like, "What about Harry Potter? How's that going?" And Jude's response?

"Oh, that guy, that guy is sitting in his office waiting for a phone call."

One of my eyeballs actually rolled under the refrigerator and I'm STILL trying to find it.