Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I don't need Thomas Dolby; I blind myself with science.

Oh, holy shit. I just realized that I forgot to mention the VERY BEST PART about Josh's graduation party Saturday night. Was it when Lindsey threw his cake in the back yard? No. Was it the fact that Josh graduated from college with his double major in I'm Smarter Than You and I Might As Well Go Ahead and Sign Up To Be a Professor? Of course not.

The best part was when we were all sitting outside, smoking cigarettes and drinking beers, playing guitar and having a sing-along, and I decided that I had to go to the bathroom so, in front of five or ten of my good friends and five or ten people from out of town I'd never met before, at about 9:30, very shortly after we'd arrived, before I even finished my first beer, I got up and WALKED INTO THE CLOSED SCREEN DOOR.


Seriously, the last time I did that was when I was eight years old, and I wast at my aunt CJ's condo in Pensacola, Florida. Instead of walking into the SCREEN door, I RAN into the closed GLASS sliding door, and it was not only emotionally painful but physically painful to boot.

This time, nearly twenty years later, I was mortified for about three seconds. Then I realized, hey, this way they automatically know not to speak in long sentences or use big words when they talk to me, but to speak slowly in short sentences and nod and smile a lot, and maybe I'd just leave them alone.

The funny part was that immediately after I did it, I stood perfectly still thinking that maybe, just maybe, no one had even seen it. The sudden rising chorus of "Hell yeah!" and "Damn, Buffy" and "Look out!" and "Woah, good job!" alerted me to fact that, yes, every single person on the patio had seen it. When murders and rapes occur, there are often no witnesses at all, but when I walk like an idiot straight into a screen door, there are twenty. TWENTY.

And, you know, it makes sense, because the door was right behind where Josh was sitting, playing the guitar, and everyone else was sitting or standing so that they could watch and listen to him play. So it was like that time I stumbled onto the stage at a Green Day show and did a line off Billy Joe's ass expecting no one to see- it just wasn't logical.


stephanie said...

too bad you weren't the only one who smashed their face. There was the poor dear who walked into it not once, but twice. YOU, however got the best sport award, and didn't turn into a whiny biatch. oh, and there are a few photos of your proud acceptance, so you can remember that moment forever! don't worry!!

Thom said...

As Nelson Muntz, of The Simpsons, says so eloquently, "Ha, ha."