Christina Aguilera could probably sing this better than I'll write it, but here it is anyhow.

Deanna, you little stinker.

I have a few things to say, the first of which is how proud of you I am. I ain't your momma or your daddy or anything like that, but I wonder how often you've been told that someone is proud of you. And I AM proud of you, so I feel like I should tell you.

I'm proud of you for jumping into the abyss even though it's scary. I'm proud of you for taking a chance, for doing something very risky, just because you can feel it in your gut that you just need to. Not all of us have that kind of strength.

I hope you find something really really fulfilling- a job where your boss appreciates the hell out of you, or a boy who doesn't want to involve you in polygamy. SHAUN.

Because I have known you for a while, and while we're not best friends, I just really like you. I think you're a sweet girl, and so much fun, and so sincere, and BEJEESUS CRIPES you're so pretty I can't believe that you're not surrounded by boys who worship you and want to take care of you and want to make you feel good. I have had moments in which I wished that I was as pretty as you or as much fun as you or as willing to kick a boy in the BALLS just because I can.

Don't ever stop kicking boys in the balls, Deanna, especially when they deserve it. SHAUN.

I don't know the boys you've dated very well, so I realize that I don't know the whole story and maybe I don't have the right to judge blah blah blah. I just know that you are vibrant in a way that I envy, and a boy who dates you should be SO thankful, and SO happy, and should be thinking of ways to make you smile and ways to make you feel special, not ways to fit just one more girl into his back seat.

I hope that we'll continue to be better friends than we ever have been, and I hope that I'll still get to hear about the ball-kicking goodness even though we don't work together any more.