Thursday, January 15, 2009

The low tonight is 8 degrees farenheit. I need a hot toddy.

One of my favorite bitches came over last night to cut some of my hair off. Good times.

It's funny how things turn out. So much of what I hear these days is at once predictable and surprising.

Reed has noticed my perplexedness lately. "Don't be sad, mommy." He breaks my heart. I have been taking some very good advice and telling him, "Yes, I'm sad, but it will go away in a minute. I love you." That seems to help.

I am working on my life in a lot of ways, and letting it go in a lot of ways. I am writing a lot and coming up with new ideas. I'm working at a great job.

I'm about to change a lot of behaviors that I thought were for the best, for me and for everybody, but I realize now were only hurting me and keeping everyone else in the dark. This just goes back to my saying that I'm going to trust myself more and be more vocal about what's going on in my head and heart. I think it helps me to say it over and over, to remind myself that I'm supposed to be telling folks what's bothering me. I am just so accustomed to trying to be nice all that time, to trying not to stir anything up, trying to smooth things over. It's hard to change behaviors that are so ingrained in me that they come like reflexes, just pop up quickly without my even thinking about it. I am retraining myself to stop and think about it, think about my feelings, what I'd really like to say.

Some people are born without a filter between their brains and their mouths. I need to trim mine back a little. Please pass the scissors.

Have you ever wondered what all has happened on January 15th throughout history?

1 comment:

Anonymous said... you are telling us how you are feeling, not just what you are thinking. Good for you.

some jerk