Monday, February 23, 2009

I stole- I STOLE- this from Dooce. It's a marriage/relationship meme. Leave your answers in the comments!

Also, in rereading this I realized that this whole post illustrates perfectly the manic, a.k.a. entire, side of my personality.

What are your middle names?
Andrew and Claire.

How long have you been together?
We've been married for a little over five years, and we were together for a year before we got married, for a total of six years.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I think we'd known each other for about six months, maybe a year, before we started "dating", a term I use loosely because we were horny and broke so there weren't a lot of "dates" there in the beginning- unless perpetual sex with a few cigarette breaks thrown in for good measure counts. Hi, mom!

Who asked whom out?
Hm, who did ask whom out? I can't seem to remember... I'm having these odd flashes of myself standing in a bar asking Jason to come home with me... But I don't think that has anything to do with it.

How old are each of you?
I am 29 and Jason is 14. I don't care, he's 14, with just a little bit of 18 thrown in for good measure with all this motorcycle stuff.

Oh, have I not mentioned that? Jason bought a motorcycle; consequently I've started drinking frequently again.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
I suppose we see my sister the most, on account of Reed's second home is my mom's house where India lives. My mom is Reed's Ma and India is his Da. Ma and Da: So Happy Together.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Money, definitely. It sucks that we let it get to us, but it's all very hard, what with my frequent and painful unemployment flare-ups and habitual money-spending, and Jason's I Never Ever Spend Money Ever Except In Secret When You Least Expect It. I think we've magically found a place where we stress out a little less about it, though, and it's been good for our marriage. Our checking account hasn't fared quite as well.

Did you go to the same school?
No. Jason went to somewhat-ghetto, and then somewhat-ghetto-Christian, and I went to possibly-trashy-redneck-or-maybe-just-country. I'm a little bit country, he's a little bit rock and roll.

Are you from the same home town?
If we were out of town and someone asked us where we were from, I think we'd both say Birmingham, so in that way, yes. But really no.

Who is smarter?
It depends on how you're gauging it. Jason can remember hundreds of bread and pastry recipes he has used at past jobs. I can manage to wait until a shirt I really want is clearanced to about 10% of its original price and still get the size and color I want. When the Wonder Twins unite, we form an unstoppable force that will one day rule the world with all our bread and shirts.

Who is the most sensitive?
Well shit, anyone who is reading this who actually knows me knows exactly who it is. It starts with "ME" and ends with "WHAT OF IT, AND WHY DID YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT IN YOUR SLEEP LAST NIGHT?".

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
The local Mexican restaurant, hands down. Jason's butt suffers as a result.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Savannah, Georgia, on our honeymoon. But that'll all change in about two weeks when we go to Costa Rica. Have I not mentioned that?

Who has the craziest exes?
Do you people READ this blog? Because the answer is JASON, JASON HAS THE CRAZIEST EX, NO PLURAL NEEDED BECAUSE SHE'S CRAZY ENOUGH FOR ALL HIS EXES PUT TOGETHER AND WHEN YOU THROW HER NEW HUSBAND WHO SHE MET IN THE NUTHOUSE INTO THE MIX THEY CRAZY ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY'S EXES, EVERY EX I'VE EVER KNOWN, THEY CRAZY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE, IT'S BIGGER THAN YOURS.

Who has the worst temper?
Jason has an Irish temper that explodes like a bomb when he gets mad, and I have a French and Indian temper that seethes and lurkes just under the surface sneering and smoking cigarettes and drinking a cocktail, ready to just SNAP, CRACKLE, and POP YO ASS. And you just shut your fucking mouth if you have anything to say about it.

Who does the cooking?
We both do, really. I never cooked much before Jason came along, and he always cooked, and cooked well, and isn't afraid to experiment and toss a little of this and a little of that, including my salad. BAH! Now I cook quite a bit, too.

But I don't toss salad.

Who is the neat-freak?
Oh, wow, have I ever written here about socks? The socks, here, there, and everywhere? How the socks whisper to me in the night, how I hear the voices of the socks inside my head, all the live-long day? How I live with FOUR BOYS and that's EIGHT SOCKS A DAY?!? Okay, I have to move on; my hives are coming back.

Who is more stubborn?
I am certain that Jason and I would both say that each of us is simultaneously THE MOST STUBBORN and THE LEAST STUBBORN, about ourselves and about each other, at exactly the same time just as loud as we could force our voices to go.

When Jason and I had been together for about two months I still lived in a teeny, tiny efficiency apartment with a little bitty bathroom, and Jason decided to tell me one day how every time you flush the toilet germs and particles and shit from the toilet spray as far as a six foot radius around the toilet. As six feet was the approximate size of the whole goddamn apartment I WIGGED OUT and decreed that from then on, we would both always ALWAYS put the lid down before we flushed NO MATTER WHAT. From that day forward, I have put the lid down every time, every single bleeding time, that I have flushed the toilet. Jason has not done it once, in spite of my constant nagging, my daily complaints, my frequent prophecies that one day we'll all die and it will be because Jason wouldn't put the lid down. NOT ONE TIME. What does that say about our stubborness?

Who hogs the bed?
Jason's favorite sleeping position is on top of me with 750,000 decibel snores screaming out of his nose. I don't want to talk about it.

Who wakes up earlier?
Jason does. He gets a good night's sleep, lying on top of me with his snore-nose screaming in my ear, and he leaps out of bed revived and refreshed at 6am most mornings to have a nice shit, shower, shave, and fresh cup o' joe, while I stay in bed, covered from the top of my head to the tips of my toes with three heavy blankets except for my lone, tiny fist escaping from the edge of the covers, shaking at him in protest.

Where was your first date?
I think I had a clever answer for this, but I'm just so tired after that last answer.


Who is more jealous?
That would be me, YOU STUPID BITCHES YOU BETTER STEP OFF BEFORE I WARP YOU WITH A TIRE IRON.

How long did it take to get serious?
In the first three months of our relationship, I lost 25 pounds because I was so in love with him, so uninterested in eating, so interested in getting into his panties and then having a cigarette, so consumed by everything about him. It sounds melodramatic, but I was absolutely love sick over Jason. It was very serious very fast.

Who eats more?
That's a toughy; I think we eat similar amounts. Jason's metabolism is definitely higher. We can eat a dinner like pasta with alfredo sauce, broccoli, and grilled chicken, and one hour later Jason will pour himself a huge bowl of frosted mini-spooners for dessert.

Who does the laundry?
I do more laundry than Jason does. He can't seem to noodle the fact that I don't dry my work clothes and my nice shirts. I try to be specific and say things like, "You can wash and dry our socks, underwear, t-shirts, and pajamas, and all of Kane, Jude, and Reed's stuff." And, "The pants that I wear to work are not for the drier." Alas, it's still too confusing. The man can take apart a motorcycle and put it back together, he can clean rust out of the inside of a gas tank with naval jelly (ew!) and screws, but he can't train his brain to look at a shirt and decide if it's one that I wear to bed or one that I wear to work. Science. IT'S FUCK ALL.

Who's better with the computer?
Until about two years ago the answer was a resounding I AM. But now Jason has had all this training in all these programs like Photoshop and Microsoft Word and all that, so I think the playing field has been leveled. I can still type his ass into a corner, though.

Who drives when you are together?
It really doesn't matter. Either way the person in the passenger seat is going to be screaming profanities and clutching the arm rest and Reed will be in the back seat saying, "You not post to say that!"

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

What are your middle names?
Allen (could be Alan) and Anne

How long have you been together?
Close to two years...kinda of...a year and a half; it's hard to pinpoint.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We knew each other for 9 months or something.

Who asked whom out?
Well, he kissed me one evening after I'd used all my womanly charms on poor defenseless Chris. I think I made the first move, but he made the first MOVE. We didn't go on many dates due to some circumstances.

How old are each of you?
I am 29 and he's 27: that's right--robbing the cradle.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
We see my brother the most. 3 of his siblings live in New York CIty; one lives in Chicago and one lives at Clemson--I embarrassingly don't know where that is. A Carolina? My family stays put and are all located within a convenient 30 mile radius of each other.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I am a crazy person. Every couple of months, I wake up (generally on a Saturday or Sunday) and think, "The filth!! AAAHHH! Must...clean...EVERYTHING." Then I jump out of bed and begin to scrub. Invariable, I will get extraordinarily angry with Chris because: a) he is trying to help, but is completely inept and looks as if he's wandering around in a confused manner; b) I tell him he doesn't have to help, but just to GET OUT OF MY WAY and then he doesn't help; and c) Chris will try to help by doing the SAME THING I'm DOING--MUST I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO? I KNOW YOU'RE NOT STUPID, WHY CAN'T YOU LOOK AROUND AND TELL WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE? So, Chris cannot win. It's very unfortunate. Luckily, it is infrequent. I also get annoyed because he is monotone in voice, which makes him seem boring. I call him Flat Stanley.

Did you go to the same school?
No.

Are you from the same home town?
No.

Who is smarter?
Chris is. However, I read more, so I have more useless knowledge. Wanna hear about Peruvian mummies?

Who is the most sensitive?
Generally, I am. However, I am capable of being FAR more insensitive than Chris is. I got the crazy, you know?

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Toss up between Subway and whatever Mexican place is close and/or having drink specials.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
We went to Italy together last Spring Break. We also DROVE to New York City, which seemed further.

Who has the craziest exes?
I think it's a toss up. None of our recent exes are crazy, but I have a couple of doozies...yeah, I think I win. I'm not sure if Chris even has ANY crazy exes.

Who has the worst temper?
Me me me me. Chris hardly has a temper at all, which makes our relationship possible.

Who does the cooking?
We share in cooking. Chris is more likely to whip something up, but he's less likely to adequately season it...bland-y mcGee.

Who is the neat-freak?
See question above regarding fights.

Who is more stubborn?
Chris!!!! I am not stubborn at all. He is like a donkey...or a mule, whichever is more stubborn. So don't be getting any ideas that I abuse his niceness with my crazy. He pays me back IN SPADES by being stubborn.


Who hogs the bed?
I do, but only because I am trying to cuddle.

Who wakes up earlier?
I believe we generally wake up at the same time.

Where was your first date?
Some BBQ place and then the Alabama Theater for a Ween concert.

Who is more jealous?
Me. Hands down.

How long did it take to get serious?
Just a couple weeks, I think.

Who eats more?
I guess he eats more, but not much. I am more likely to snack frequently and skip meals. Chris, not so much.

Who does the laundry?
I do more for the same reasons as Buffy. Chris can't figure out how to read a care label and refrain from drying the stuff that says to line dry or flat dry. Also, I have the crazy and am very particular and don't dry certain things that say you can dry them and need to have my items shaken out before going in the dryer and folded a certain way or hung on a certain hanger...

Who's better with the computer?
Chris. I just learned to type a couple of years ago.

Who drives when you are together?
We both drive, but I'm a sometimes VERY angry driver, so it's better if Chris drives except I am also a angry passenger...Cars are often very traumatic for me.

Anonymous said...

If you are traveling to Costa Rica and you want to have a great experience at an affordable price you should check out The Costa Rican Connection for your Costa Rica vacations at http://www.costaricanconnection.net. You will get great customer service and you will have a great vacation, guaranteed!

Lindsey said...

I like both bread AND shirts, so that explains, FINALLY, why I'm friends with y'all.

PS: I would like one of each, plz.
Right now.

Oh, and: I banned Josh completely and totally from ever doing any laundry that I had not already PRESORTED AND BEEN ASSURED THAT IT, IN FACT, CONTAINED SHEETS/TOWELS/PAJAMAS or other items of a non-descript nature after he WASHED and DRIED and SHRANK to Paris Hilton-esque proportions my v. most favorite black wool sweater from J. FRICKIN CREW. THAT WAS THE END OF JOSH'S LAUNDRY DAYS, AND HE WAS ONCE AGAIN REGULATED SOLELY TO THE LITTERBOX.

How can boys not tell the difference between a work shirt and, you know, the "Team Building Exercise 99" t-shirt that has 40,000 Dr. Pepper/salsa/hair dye stains on it is beyond me.

Anonymous said...

I am only stubborn because I am always right.

- Chris

Anonymous said...

What are your middle names?
Christopher and Leigh.

How long have you been together?
married 6 years the end of March.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We dated for a little while years ago.
Who asked whom out?
Depends on which time. First time, I think she asked me. Second time, oh wait no it's the same here too.

How old are each of you?
31
Whose siblings do you see the most?
About the same now. We live in Arkansas.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
hypothetical situations

Did you go to the same school?
Well we both went to UAB, but Jenni went to Hewitt and I went to RLC.

Are you from the same home town?
I was born in Albany, New York, but I consider Birmingham my home town. Jenni's from Birmingham.

Who is smarter?
Me. Jenni gets mad when she asks me a random question and I usually know the answer.

Who is the most sensitive?
Jenni. To sounds, touch, and crankiness. By the way don't tell her this because she'll probably get upset.


Where do you eat out most as a couple?
The Purple Cow.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Cincinnatti, Ohio.

Who has the craziest exes?
Kristi is definitely the craziest person I have ever known. Plus Jenni is pretty crazy too so since we dated previously...

Actually probably me, but not because of the mentioned reasons.


Who has the worst temper?
I do, but I generally don't let it loose.

Who does the cooking?
I do.

Who is the neat-freak?
Neither one of us. I can clean well, but now I have given it up as it takes too much effort to keep the apartment clean.

Who is more stubborn?
Me.


Who hogs the bed?
I am told that I do.

Who wakes up earlier?
I do. Jenni somehow reserves the right to sleep in.

Where was your first date?
Little Shop of Horrors musical at Hewitt High School.

Who is more jealous?
Jenni. seriously.

How long did it take to get serious?
Oh I don't know. several months?

Who eats more?
me.

Who does the laundry?
I refuse to any of Jenni's laundry as she has too many rules for her clothes.
Who's better with the computer?
me.

Who drives when you are together?
me.

a currently cranky stubborn person.

Anonymous said...

I hope you're referring to some other Kristi... :)

--Kristi

Ramey Channell said...

This is the funniest thing I ever read! Definitely the funniest thing I ever read on a blog. I love it!

How I'm gonna answer those questions? Me and Gretchen the dog?

Ramey