"Like a robot dolphin through this flaming hoop, so are the days of our lives. Freaking sweet."

It's a McSweeney's Kind of Friday.

Alternatives to Setting Your House on Fire to Avoid Foreclosure

Porn for Depressives

Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful

For Jason: Unfortunate "That's What She Said" Precursors in Casual Sports

Rejected Introductions of Days of Our Lives

Twisted Sister: Where Are They Now?

Increasingly Dangerous Cheeses

Twenty-First Century Computing, As Explained By My Mother

Okay, I have to stop. I could do this all day. I hope you'll read these; several made me laugh out loud.