Thursday, September 28, 2006


I have two things to tell you people about today.

First, Reed has got a wonderful new skill! He can now reach into his diaper, pull poop out, and rub it on surrounding items, including himself! Ah, they grow so fast. Jason noticed him this morning making the telltale grunting noises that signal a bowel movement while he was sitting in his playpen. A minute later, Jason noticed something on Reed's neck, and he realized that Reed was leaning oddly to the side, and one of his hands was out of sight. He looked closer to discover that, yes, Reed was indeed reaching into his diaper, pulling out poop, and doing with it as he pleased. And he was VERY pleased. Jason said he was really quite excited about the whole thing, and even a little proud of himself. I tell you, he's a FREAKING GENIUS. I wish I could pull poop out of my pants and rub it on stuff. I'd probably start with my boss' keyboard and phone. But that's another story.

Second, one of the CHILDREN who works up front at the circulation desk just came back here, to my desk, and made me unimaginably uncomfortable. I met him last spring; he's a work study student here in the library. When I worked with him on Saturdays, I always got the impression that he thought HE was in charge of ME, instead of the other way around. He bossed me around, and asked a lot of questions that implied that he was checking to make sure I knew what I was doing. I only actually worked WITH him for a total of about an hour; I stayed in the back at my desk, and he covered the circulation desk. I hadn't seen him in a while, until just a few moments ago.

CHILD: Hey! How's it going?

TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE BUFFY (from here on out, referred to as TUB): Ah, fine. How are you?

CHILD: Oh, you know, pretty good. I just had some stir fry for lunch, so I figured I needed a mint. (Here, he shows me his mint.)

(He stands there looking at me, as if we are going to have some kind of conversation. I look away and go about my work, all the while begging God to give me a frickin' break. I can feel the people I work with waiting on pins and needles to try and figure out exactly what's going on here. I'd like to tell them to TAKE A FUCKIN' NUMBER 'cause I'd like to know that myself.)

CHILD: So, then it's the same old same old?

TUB: Uh, yes.

(More moments of uncomfortable silence. My face starts to get red. I continue to work and ignore him.)

CHILD: Hey! (He just remembered something.) Are you going to the show? The band? Do you know about the concert?

TUB: (I'm growing more and more scared.) No. I don't know what you're talking about.

CHILD: Pat Green. Have you ever heard of him?

TUB: No, I haven't. I don't know what you're talking about.

CHILD: He's some country singer. I'm not really a fan of country music. (He just stops talking and looks at me.)

TUB: Hm. No, I haven't heard anything about it.

At this point, the director of the library comes back and starts talking loudly about Reese cups or some shit, and it scares the KID away. I sit there and go THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU JESUS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

And those are my thoughts for the day.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

sorry I'm going to be an atypical man for a tell that little fucker that i have beaten people for less and that he needs to look at the finger where husbands and wives wear their wonder twin trinkets. he only needs to ask himself. do I want to graduate from college and live a happy normal life or do I want to be the best steven hawking impersonator,minus the genius and all,that the world has ever known?

i love you sweet baby and i'll see you in a little while.