Thursday, July 09, 2009

True Schmutz.

An approximation of a tense scene in True Blood:

"I am not human. I am vampire. A lighter: you have one?"

"Non. But I do have this fireplace bread toaster. Let me show you it."

"Also, a Fresca. FUCK YOU! Holy shit. Are you high?"

"No. Well, yes."

*kiss kiss slurp slurp hump hump SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM*

"Are yawl tawkin' about SLAYVES? I KNOW YAWL AREN'T TAWKIN' 'BOUT NO SLAYVES!"

"What a whore what a whore what a whore scary vampires..."

"I can hear yawl! I can hear those thawts yawl hayuv! Yawl are awl hillbillehs! Gawd! Awl sex up a vampuhr any time Ah feel lahk eet!" *stomp stomp stomp* "Let me put awn my Renaissance Faire dress and run through a feeyeld."

*zip sweat sweat slurp slurp hump zip*

"Aw, Chrahst, yawl, Ah'm in luv with a vampuhr! Whut? That's MAH shit! You git outta mah house!"

"Whut thuh fuck ever- I do what Ah wawnt! Watch whawl Ah geek out and fuck sum bitches!"


Aaaaaaaand scene. Thank you.

Sadly, I still like this show.

5 comments:

Birdie said...

LOL. You should read the books. (I like the show too, but I sped through the books in about a week of delicious, guilty pleasure fun reading. And you can pretend that the accents are good. You know, because you're hearing them in your head and everything.)

Lindsey said...

I'm pretty sure HBO puts something in that show that makes it PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for people to resist it. You know, like heroin. Or Krispy Kremes.

JD Atlanta said...

You have to hand it to HBO – they found a way to put a minstrel show on the air, and they don’t even have to spring for blackface.

Anonymous said...

That's a pretty good approximation of the show.

Maybe you have a non-chemical addiction; you keep on watching hoping that "This next scene will be really really good" making up for all of the really crappy ones (like you would do if you were gambling). Or perhaps you have cognitive dissonance: You have spent time watching the show so you feel like you must really like it even though it really sucks. Just like Crocs.

Dr. Some Jerk, Ph.D.

Kasee said...

Buffy, I think you need to add some puppets to the true blood dialogue, I would pay to download that kind of reenactment.

I'm looking forward to seeing ya'll soon! (Prob at Kristi's weddin')