OOO! So today, we had about $7000 worth of poopy fun! Except that poop isn't really that much fun, and neither is spending $7000 on about four hours worth of work.
By the way, next week I'm becoming a plumber.
It turns out a pipe burst in our back yard underneath the ground, and they had to bring in a tractor or a back hoe or some shit, dig up the back yard, and replace the pipes. We have a home warranty but this wasn't covered because the problem wasn't IN the fucking house, which I'm sort of divided about because normally I would say "just so long as there's no shit in my house." But today if the shit had been in my house I could have saved $7000 so I think I would make the trade-off.
After Jason told the guy repeatedly that we literally don't have seven-fucking-thousand dollars to pay him, he finally knocked it down to $4000 because he's such a stand-up fellow, so we gave him $1000 and a check that's going to bounce like Beonce's ass if we get turned down for a loan tomorrow, which we probably will.
So, you know, party! Tonight we drink. Tomorrow we start looking for cardboard boxes that are big enough to hold two adults, three children, two cats and a goat.