Originally uploaded by buffpuff.
He hunted Easter eggs for the first time yesterday, and it was really one of the most fun, inspiring, joyous days that I've experienced in a long time. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, watching him grow and develop is mind-boggling and heart-breaking and awe-inspiring all wrapped up into one big mess of emotions. HE HUNTED EGGS! He sought them out and put them in a basket and showed us how many he had. OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO BE THE MOTHER OF A TEEN-AGER ONE OF THESE DAYS.
And today he didn't cry when I took him to daycare. HE DIDN'T CRY OR PROTEST OR CLUTCH ME AND SCREAM. It is monumental and wonderful and I felt so FUCKING RELIEVED and a little bit hurt, but that's just my crazy showing itself a little. Some tiny part of me wants him to never want to be with anyone but me, but hey, all the boys can't act just like Brad Pitt. HE always cries when I drop him back off with Mama Angelina. That whole marriage thing is a cover-up, by the way.
Work, and life, and parenthood, and life and work and being a mama, it gets right up on top of me sometimes. I was driving home from work the other evening and I suddenly had this realization that I DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. And I'm not perfect at all. And even though I am so far from perfect, I am a fantastic mother because some days all I can think about is how to make things the best they can possibly be for Reed and Kane and Jude. And I'm striving all the time to be a fantastic wife, and even thought I'm not ALWAYS a fantastic wife I try so hard and I apologize A LOT, people. And things- you know, life- have felt really good for a surprising amount of time, and it's only partly because of all the heroin and vodka, so I'm making progress.
Really the only area that I'm not progressing in is italicizing. When I use Blogger on my Mac, there isn't a button for italicizing, so I'm doing all this FUCKING capitalization, because it's the only other option for EMPHASIS and INTONATION.
HELP ME PLEASE.